Department of Financial Nonsense
Pioneering irrational finance since never.
We don’t know how it works, and we’re proud of it.
Pioneering irrational finance since never.
We don’t know how it works, and we’re proud of it.
We are a decentralized, centralized, semi-autonomous bureaucratic non-entity created to fulfil no clear purpose in the rapidly collapsing financial ecosystem.
Our mission is to explore, expand and exploit confusion in all markets. And possibly yours.
“We don’t manage your money. We reinterpret it.” — Director of Chaotic Neutrality
You can’t see it. We can’t see it. But somehow, you owe us.
A 40-year loan on a house that doesn’t exist, based on dreams and optimism.
Click to receive: “Sideways until Jupiter aligns with Dogecoin.”
Accrues 0.001 % apathy per year. Withdrawals available in tears only.
Fully locked. Totally flexible. Just not at the same time.
Every retirement account is backed by a rubber duck. Quackonomically sound.
Covers damages caused by your confidence. Payouts processed via vibes.
You give us tokens. We leave first. Everyone wins (us especially).
Proof of holding through existential dread. Blockchain-verified.
We pretend to burn tokens. Sometimes we actually do. It’s a surprise.
Send us tokens. We spend them. You feel better.
Every denied form becomes a unique NFT. Rare. Emotional. Worthless.
Frame it. Scan it. Regret nothing.
$IDK is the official unit of bewilderment issued under Section ∞.404 of our
Bureaucratic Confusion Act.
It fuels every form, fee and fiasco within the Department.
Below is the full transparency report*.
1 000 000 000†
Coming soon!
100% Locked
Mandatory for confusing transactions and ceremonial rugpulls.
No votes, only vibes. The loudest meme wins.
We're not the IRS. 0% Tax.
Classified recordings, recovered from the Office Coffee Machine.
Protected by the bravest plastic battalion in finance.
The fundamentals look strong.
Leo's Trading Secrets
Junior Trader vs Granny Candle-Crusher
Meet Daniel — the Heart & Soul of DFN
Vasiliy on RESTRICTED Access
Interview Intensity Oversight
Seating Metrics
Debug the Demons
Buffon’s Executive Clarity Speech
Your complaints power our office coffee machine. Submit yours below – we promise to skim them eventually.